Crazy In Love
Victoria’s Secret…Baby Powder…Massage Oil…Candlelight…you name it; most couples will try just about anything to add a little spice to their love life—their romance. That’s because at our core we were made for love—made for relationships (Genesis 2:18-25). And there is nothing wrong with wanting someone to love you. The problem is that we get a little confused about what love is.
It seems like yesterday that Julie and I had just met—and were crazy in love. Remember that old saying, “The things we do for love?” Actually, it was quite comical.
But it didn’t take long before life’s demands quickly began to soak up all our energy and attention—even our affection for God and each other. Keeping the love alive became work. Through the years we’ve tried about everything to sculpt heart and life into our love.
So what’s the secret? Friendship—yes, at the heart of love and romance is true, intimate friendship.
Vitalize your relationship with your spouse…
Decide to become your spouse’s best friend. Everything starts with a decision. Decide to be attentive, to listen, to see the meaning and the merit. Get morning coffee and the evening tea, care about his comfort and the lotion on her back. And be persistent. Soon you’ll both begin to break through the crusty residue left by all the hassles and distractions and find the exciting marriage that used to be. Man and woman were not designed to be alone—so stop being alone. Pray together, share Scripture and a quote-for-the-day together, and in doing so, decide to be that friend your romance needs.
Show interest in what interests your spouse. Does he like sports? Listen when he talks about his favorite team; have popcorn with him during the playoffs. Does she adore classical music? Go to a concert with her; try to hear what she hears. When respected and encouraged, a spouse feels safe enough to be excited about those things that truly matter. As friends, we want to cherish what they’re revealing. As we do, trust builds, and as it does, we share even more intimately in who they really are.
Recognize that you two are different. Couples often believe they have to behave, think and feel alike. And if they’re not alike, they embark on a plan to change all his or her ways. Try to respect and celebrate those differences. If you do, you’ll soon find that a husband’s strengths support his wife’s weaknesses, while his weaknesses are buoyed by her talents. By supporting one another, they become a considerable force for one another and for God’s Kingdom.
Allow your spouse to comfortably be themselves. Forgive mistakes and praise achievements. Correct them gently if they are obviously wrong, but never ridicule, demean or judge from your own self-righteousness. And laugh and get silly with them. Have pillow and water balloon fights, and snap a few towels. Playing like children will lead you to play like married adults. Be safe for her. Be safe for him. Honor one another.
So now you’re friends…
Now, as friends, fix dinner together, take evening walks together, comfort and laugh with one another. Be there. Make plans and dream. Pray for, over, and with each other. Be gentle with your touch. Learn to kiss. Look into one another’s eyes and allow the sparks of friendship to ignite the romance. For at the heart of love is friendship at its deepest and purest level.
