PORTRAITS

• David and his wife fight constantly. Last week Dave got so angry that he took a glass vase and smashed it against the wall.
• At 16, Sarah feels she is just a burden to her busy mom. So Sarah locks herself in her bedroom with the stereo at maximum volume.

• Brian’s new supervisor has been pushing him all day. Wanting to turn off the world, he goes home and drinks himself into a stupor.
• Jenny has it in for her roommate, who has left the apartment in disarray for the last time. She’d love to throw all of her roommate’s belongings out into the yard.

DEFINITIONS AND KEY THOUGHTS

• Anger is a God-given powerful emotion (Ephesians 4:26) with intensity that ranges from being frustrated to severe fury. It can last from a few seconds to a lifetime. In and of itself, anger is not a sin. What we do in our anger determines whether or not we sin.
• Anger is best understood as a state of readiness. It is a natural response to a real or perceived injustice inspiring a powerful alertness that allows us to defend good or attack evil. Even Jesus showed anger (Mark 3:5).
   
• Anger is mentioned over 500 times in scripture, the only emotion in the Bible more common than anger is love. Anger first appears in Genesis 4:5 and last appears in Revelation 19:15.
   
• Anger can lead to healthy or unhealthy behavior. Assertiveness is a healthy response to anger that involves problem-solving and compassion. Aggression is an unhealthy response to anger that involves hurting or controlling others, revenge, or hatred.
   
• Anger, when it is an automatic response to a situation, is considered a primary emotion. Anger can also be a secondary emotion, meaning it is felt in reaction to another feeling such as fear, hurt, or sadness.

Reasons we get angry:

• A RESPONSE to a person, situation, or event, to an imaginary or anticipated event, or to memories of traumatic or enraging situations.
   
• A RESPONSE to a real or perceived injustice or hurt— in the form of frustration, betrayal, deprivation, injustice, exploitation, manipulation, criticism, violence, disapproval, humiliation, intimidation, threats, etc.
   
• A RESPONSE when a boundary in our lives has been crossed.

Expressions of Anger

Anger always finds an expression. People handle anger in one of three ways:

1. Repression — to deny anger’s presence. This is unhealthy because even though it may not be observable, the anger is still present—turned inward upon the person. Repressed anger can lead to numerous emotional and physical problems including depression, anxiety, hypertension, and ulcers.

2. Suppression — to acknowledge anger and then stuff it. With this approach to coping, one redirects anger-driven energy into healthy or unhealthy behavior.

3. Expression — healthy expression involves gentle assertiveness; unhealthy expression involves aggressiveness that hurts others. Persons expressing anger in this way might say “At least you know where I’m coming from!” however they refuse to acknowledge the destructive force of their expression.

Levels of Anger

Irritation — a feeling of discomfort brought about by someone or something.

Indignation — a feeling that something must be answered; something wrong must be corrected.

Wrath — a strong desire to avenge.

Fury — the partial loss of emotional control.

Rage — a loss of control involving aggression or an act of violence.

Hostility — a persistent form of anger and an enmity toward others that becomes rooted in one’s personality. This affects one’s entire outlook on the world and life.

Causes of Anger

External causes — Anger can be a response to harm that someone has inflicted (a physical attack, insult, abandonment) or to a circumstance where there is no person at fault (100-degree days, physical illness, highway traffic).

Internal causes — Anger is sometimes caused exclusively by an individual’s misperceptions of reality or destructive thinking about normal life issues (“I should not have to pay taxes!”), memories of traumatic events past, medications, or health issues.

Anyone can become angry. That is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose and in the right way — that is not easy.
— ARISTOTLE

Men are like steel: when they lose their temper, they lose their worth.
— CHUCK NORRIS

WISE COUNSEL

Being angry is not sinning. However, anger needs to be expressed and dealt with in constructive ways. It is important to follow the Action Steps because, if nothing is done about anger, one may find himself or herself with a variety of personal and interpersonal problems. Those who repress their anger often are depressed, anxious, hostile, or have other psychological and biological problems. Those who express their anger in unhelpful ways will devastate their relationships with others. Anger leads to resentment (resentment is anger with a history), which then turns to bitterness or hostility.

A fool gives full vent to anger, but a wise person quietly holds it back.
— PROVERBS 29:11

Consider how much more you often suffer from your anger and grief, than from those very things for which you are angry and grieved.
— MARCUS ANTONIUS

ACTION STEPS

The goal is not to be “anger free.” Instead, it is to control your response to present anger: both the emotional and biological arousal anger may cause.

1. See It
Focus on the source of the anger:

• List the triggers
   
• Until you can control the anger, avoid triggers as much as possible.
   
• Evaluate the history of anger expressed in your life.

Note: It is possible that the anger one feels today is not due to a “trigger,” but is instead rooted in anger from one’s past. For example, you many become angry at your current boss for being demanding. You might be thinking “this man is heartless—the same as my father was.” Such anger is misdirected to the boss, who is not heartless.

Learn to identify anger before it is out of control. Identify how you feel physically when experiencing anger:
 

• Identify angry feelings while they are still minor.
   
• State out loud, “I’m feeling angry right now.”
   
• Be aware of the first warning signs of anger, which may be physical changes. Anger promotes a sympathetic nervous system response (a physical state of readiness) and the following biological changes: rising heart rate and blood pressure, amplified alertness, tensed muscles, dilated pupils, lowered digestion, clenched fists, flared nostrils, bulged veins.

2. Delay It
Brainstorm ways to delay the expression of anger:

• Take a “time out”; temporarily disengage from the situation if possible (20 minute minimum).
   
• Perform light exercise until the intensity of anger is manageable.
   
• “Write, don’t fight”; jot down troubling thoughts. This exercise is personal and writings should be kept private, possibly destroyed, not sent.
   
• Talk with a trusted friend who is unrelated to the anger-provoking situation: Don’t just vent—ask for constructive advice.
   
• Pray about the anger, asking God to show you insight.
   
• Learn the value of calming. A person in a state of fury is not equipped to deal healthily with an anger-provoking situation. Calming will help you let some of your angry feelings subside before expressing anger in a healthy way.

3. Control It
Brainstorm some ways to express anger in a healthy way:

• Respond, don’t react.
• Maintain a healthy distance until you can speak constructively (James 1:19).
• Confront to restore, not to destroy.
• Empathize (yelling is a failure to empathize). Speak slowly and quietly (makes yelling difficult).
• Surrender the right for revenge (Romans 12:19).

Note: If anger begins to escalate to wrath or fury, that is not the time to engage in interactions with others. Instead, temporarily redirect your energy to solo activities, or re-establish calm, before confronting others.

4. Own It
Develop a plan of action:

• Find an accountability partner
• Join an anger management group
• Consider follow up by professional (Counseling? Medication?)
  Note: Underlying issues such as deep emotional wounds that have been identified in counseling need to be considered. Make plans to work on such issues through additional counseling (with you or by referral to another professional) and/or support groups.

It is better to be patient than powerful; it is better to have self-control than to conquer a city.
— PROVERBS 16:32

Anger is usually at the core of many of our most violent and prevalent social problems like rape, domestic violence, substance abuse, and suicide.

BIBLICAL INSIGHTS

“If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin lies at the door. And its desire is for you, but you should rule over it.”
— Genesis 4:7

• Cain’s problem with anger wasn’t that he became angry. It was that he remained angry.
• At first, Cain’s anger was a positive response, but it missed the mark. Instead of Cain becoming furious with himself, his anger turned to deadly jealousy. 
• Anger must be ruled or it will rule. Uncontrolled anger quickly becomes destructive. When you invite God to help you identify your anger and take positive action, anger becomes a servant rather than a master.

“ ‘Be angry, and do not sin’: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil.”
— Ephesians 4:26, 27

• Note that this does not say, “Never be angry.” Anger is a God-given emotion and, if handled well, will promote positive change.
• Do not: allow anger to cause you to act in ways that you will later regret.
• Do not: turn anger upon yourself or pretend you are never angry.
• Deal with anger as quickly (and responsibly) as possible—before the sun goes down—so that you do not “give place to the devil.”
• Seek to resolve differences with others respectfully. Then continue together in the Lord’s work. Remember, Satan loves to use anger to divide believers.

And I became very angry when I heard their outcry and these words. 
— Nehemiah 5:6

• Nehemiah’s anger was righteous indignation because many Jews were suffering at the severe hands of rich countrymen who had lent them money.
• Expressing his anger in a healthy way, Nehemiah called a meeting of the moneylenders, who agreed to his firm requests.
• When you feel anger burning beneath the surface, ask God to guide you toward a productive way of resolving the conflict.

Make no friendship with an angry man, and with a furious man do not go, lest you learn his ways and set a snare for your soul.
— Proverbs 22:24-25

• This proverb states to “make no friendship with an angry man.” People may not be able to change the anger others express, but they can avoid close ties with “furious” people.
• Such people are ready to explode and anyone around will either catch the brunt of that fury or become similarly furious.
• Choose carefully those who will be your closest friends, business partners, and spouse.

Then God said to Jonah, “Is it right for you to be angry about the plant?” And he said, “It is right for me to be angry, even to death!”
— Jonah 4:9

• When Jonah learned that God would spare the Ninevites, instead of rejoicing in their repentance, he became angry. His anger at Nineveh’s sinfulness was justified, though his selfish anger at God’s mercy was not.
• Perhaps, with selfish motivation, Jonah was concerned that his reputation had been ruined with the false forecast of the city’s destruction: Or he may have desired a front-row seat at Nineveh’s demise—after all, Assyria was Israel’s enemy.
• We must consider honestly the inspiration of our anger.

PRAYER STARTER

Lord, we all get angry. Anger is a powerful emotion that you have given us, and your word teaches us clearly about the constructive and destructive force that anger is. Help us to follow your Word, Lord, by teaching us to control our anger when we have been threatened and wronged. Bless us God that we might see clearly, and not hurt others in our anger . . .